We have been put in the so-called 'Group of Death'. This is usually a term to describe a formidable football group. Instead here it's been used to describe the presence of Iraq. Here we will look at the teams in our group from a Soccerooligan perspective.
IRAQ
LEADER: George Bush
POULATION: Constantly dwindling due to migration, lack of opportunity and America bombing the shit out of them.
FOOTBALL FIGHTING HISTORY: Has been very scattered but as brutal as any Soccerooligan activity. They were called the ‘Saddam Hulligans’ but only consisted of Saddam Hussein’s son. What was remarkable about this firm were the fighting techniques. Instead of taking on rival fans ‘Saddam Hulligans’ would torture, beat and sometimes shoot their own players for losing. Who said they don’t have a sense of humour in the Middle East?!
QATAR
LEADER: Who knows?
POPULATION: Would not have a clue.
FOOTBALL FIGHTING HISTORY: Not much is known about them as we don’t even know where it is. Our friend at the meat pie shop thinks that David Hicks might have kicked off a bit of stuff somewhere around that region although conflicting reports also suggest he was ‘wandering dazed and confused’ in Afghanistan when picked up by a hooligan task force. This doesn’t say much as ‘wandering dazed and confused’ and then getting picked up by the fuzz is a birthright for Aussie backpackers when overseas, just like sleeping with a ladyboy in Thailand.
CHINA
LEADER: Kevin Rudd’s mate Hu Jintao.
POPULATION: There’s mega, especially on Swanston St in Melbourne.
FOOTBALL FIGHTING HISTORY: Very rich as you could imagine from a nation of a billion, billion psychos. Their core football hooligan brigade consists of crack fighters including ninjas, samurais and I.T/Accounting students. Funnily, the only hardware these computer nerds carry is hammers although occasionally they will still have USB sticks around their necks containing spreadsheet files. The Chinese have adapted well to hooligan culture with the pulled down baseball cap and scarf around the face look providing the perfect line for their cute little eyes to peep out of.
